All I Need To Know I Learned From The X-Files
All I need to know I learned from the X-Files
- Trust No One
- Smoking really IS bad
- Always make back-ups of your important data
- Don’t eat at restaurants where the motto is “Good People, Good Food”
- The Truth Is Out There
- “Nojo on the rojo”
- Bambi? Her name is Bambi?
- Sometimes you really do get your $29.95’s worth from a mail-order video
- Deny Everything
- If it’s iced tea, it’s love
- If it’s root beer, it’s fate
- If you find an audio cassette in your car, 10-to-1 you can’t dance to it.
- If there’s a white van in your driveway, don’t drink the water.
- Beware of women named B.J.
- Don’t pass judgement while in the Arctic
- Never scan unidentified metals
- Don’t look for romance on-line
- Don’t accept dinner invitations from bald, tattooed, half-naked men
- Make sure you remember the birhtdays of people who are important to you
- No wardrobe is complete without a New York Knicks T-shirt (holes optional), at least one red speedo, and black silk boxers
- Sometimes the only thing you can say is “Sure. Fine. Whatever.”
- Miracles happen
- Everyone has on uncle who is an amateur magician.
- Just because someone shot you doesn’t mean they’re not your friend
- Never, ever, go into a bathroom
- “Go with it”
- If you see a cockroach, say hello to the aliens
- Receiving Superstars of the Superbowl is a good reason to live
- Sometimes simple answers are good. e.g.” Why is it so dark in here?” “Because the lights aren’t on.”
Source: imc1.piccsy.com
Sixteen Things That Took Me 50 Years to Learn
Sixteen Things
That Took Me 50 Years to Learn
by Dave Barry
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe day-light-savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 111.
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Your friends love you, anyway.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and do it.
The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.
Source: somuchsass
